Thursday, February 24, 2005

Worst Record Review Ever

From this morning's Red State Capital City Newspaper:

Seventy-nine minutes of singer like an eternity in Hades
The Beekeeper, Tori Amos

One of the songs on her one-hour, 19-minute exercise in self-absorption is called The Power of Orange Knickers. If only Anglophilia were the worst of her offenses.

Amos has a lovely voice. She is a mind-numbingly bland keyboardist. Some of the musical embellishments are appealing — and necessary to break the monotony of the melody-free disc.

Dr. Faustus wanted to make love to Helen of Troy. Little did he know what Mephisto had in store for him once he had: an eternity locked in a room with this flaming-haired poet, listening to lyrics such as "Original Sinsuality / Yaldaboath Saklas" and "Wrap yourself around the Tree of Life and the dance of the Infinity of the Hive."

Precious. Cloying. Banal.

Faustus screamed, "Give me fire and burning flesh instead!" And Mephisto only smiled.

[There may be a lot of blogging today, what with two sick sleeping kids. Then again, there may not, if they are two sick awake kids.]

4 comments:

Kelly said...

Oof, flaming review.

I haven't listened to anything of hers in years because she makes my brain go limp and numb.

jackie said...

sometimes it seems like they get people who have a pronounced dislike for the artist already-- which seems pointless to me. have no opinion? sure. could take Tori or leave her? fine. already hate her? maybe you shouldn't be the one to do this review.

Anonymous said...

tori is a poet who puts her words to music. She has a very unique way of describing things. some will understand some will not.i'm sure she's doing something right , all of her shows from the beekeeper have already sold out....can you same the same for yourself? no you can't ...probably a little jealous too! need to open your mind a little!

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