When M was born, S and I made a policy decision against videotaping. We decided that we wanted to live our children's lives, not watch them through a lens or on a screen. We didn't want our memories to be shaped by tapes; we wanted to savor every moment for its own sake, and let our children's babyhoods live on in our minds' eyes, rather than on the television. We didn't video our wedding either, for much the same reasons. And we were so wrong.
We have one family video. For Grandpa's 75th birthday, S's sister arranged for someone to compile a videotape of the whole family, so we had a friend come over and video us showing off our garden and new playhouse, and sitting on the couch singing "Happy Birthday." M was five and E was six months old and an avid eater (how things change) so we held her up in front of everything we showed off and pretended she was eating it. We thought it was funny at the time, we still think it's funny whenever we watch the video, and we care not a whit if anyone else thinks it’s funny, though luckily Grandpa does too.
I love seeing the kids really alive at that age, remembering how they talked and walked and waved their little arms in the air, and I hate the way my memories of them at one month, one year, two years, three have been erased, not by technology, but by the omnipresence of them right now. It's hard for me to imagine E as anything but four or M as anything but eight and a half, even though I know that those ages too will vanish as they become five, six, nine, ten. So, yeah, I really wish we'd videotaped.
Besides, we wouldn't have been the kind of people who wave the video camera in front of their children's faces at every first bite and school play, simply because we are lazy and forgetful and the damn thing would always be stuck in a closet or broken or we wouldn't have any blank tapes available, and we'd have to make drastic decisions about taping over old Frank Sinatra movies or 90210 episodes which would reveal exactly how much value we really placed on our kids' precious moments. So instead of being those ever-videoing parents, every several months or so we would have remembered the camera, taped frantically for a few days, and then forgotten about it again--and we’d still have those technological memories that we now lack.
We’d also have a video of E and her equally-four-year-old cousin L performing their M-choreographed rendition of “On Top Of Spaghetti” which culminates in the two of them, as meatballs (hence the red dresses), rolling out the door. And if we had such a tape, I’d break all my privacy rules and post it here, because it is just the cutest thing ever. Instead, you’ll just have to take my word for it.
3 comments:
Yeah, that was kind of us--lazy and forgetful, batteries never charged in the videocamera (and now, it's so old it may not even work). But we do have a few, and you're right, it's fun to have them. It's amazing how you forget the stuff you swear you'll remember--I've only been blogging a little over a year and there's stuff I wrote about in the blog that I had completely forgotten until I re-read it months later. Sigh.
Oh, and speaking of priorities...it's a little-known fact that I once, years ago, appeared on Jeopardy. My parents taped it, but then some years later the Mets were in the world series, my dad had to miss a game--and, yes, I got taped over. So it does happen.
Guh. I have the same lament. Same reason, wanted to be living it, not seeing it through a lens after the fact, distracted during life by trying to get the shot right. We have some photos, but no videos of Tyler, and jeebus he's almost a man. It's impossible to remember the way he would reach out and touch my nose with his funny little finger and then touch his own. It's just words now. We gave Ty a video camera for his b'day, and I think we'll break it out occasionally.
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