I try to stay away from the working mom/stay-at-home mom wars (and even writing that phrase has the potential to beget a skirmish, for stay at home moms work hard too, I know). Working is right for some women and their families, staying home is right for some women and their families, and why can't we all just get along? But two things particularly irked me in this particular article.
First, it just makes my blood boil when young women like knows-it-all Uzezi Abugo say things like "I've seen the difference between kids who did have their mother stay at home and kids who didn't, and it's kind of like an obvious difference when you look at it." Then there's stay-at-home mom Carol Lechner who opines, "I see a lot of women in their 30's who have full-time nannies, and I just question if their kids are getting the best." Have you met my kids? My sister's kids? K's kids? E's kids? Great kids whose mothers work. I can introduce you to some super-screwed-up kids whose mothers stay home too. These generalizations simply aren't useful. And don't even get me started on the compulsion toward "getting the best" which seems to drive so much American parenthood these days.
The other thing that bugged me was the blind acceptance of the gender status quo amongst these college students. Guys who think it's "sexy" when women want to stay home with their kids. And Angie Ku:
Ms. Ku added that she did not think it was a problem that women usually do most of the work raising kids.
"I accept things how they are," she said. "I don't mind the status quo. I don't see why I have to go against it."
After all, she added, those roles got her where she is.
"It worked so well for me," she said, "and I don't see in my life why it wouldn't work."
Yeah, the old "it works for me" argument, coupled with general acceptance of the status quo. Mmm, delightful.
Methinks the younger generation could use a good dose of socialist feminism, But then, I'm a working mom. What do I know?
4 comments:
I completely agree here. Especially with the "I want what's best for my kids", obsessive stay at home moms. Not to cast aspersions- people make their own choices and I appreciate that- but I have seen again and again how misguided those who say those words can be. To make broad generalizations here, Helicopter Moms (those who hover) and Harmony Moms (those who want life to be fabulous and stress free for their children ALL THE TIME) can obsess to the point that their kids actually need a break from them. My 2 cents. Thanks for writing about this. Signed, a working mom with happy, well-adjusted kids
Oh, sigh. How annoyingly predictable. I'm with you. (But you knew that...)
Hey, Becca. I happened across your blog in a roundabout way from writing about the same thing. I've been in desperate need of another working mom's affirmation that some of the women quoted in that article are, well, young and ignorant, if I have to say it nicely.
Uzezi is nothing compared to Liu. And, like, don't get me started on Sarah Currie's comment about staying home being sexy. The most disappointing part of the article, though, wasn't the students, because, well, again (I say while beating my head against the wall), they are young and ignorant. What really peeved me was the admissions director who essentially said education is wasted on women who see a life beyond the office, courtroom, or gallery.
Thanks for the affirmation.
thanks for verbalizing a lot of what i felt when i read the article.
but then, i didnt feel like i had a 'right' to comment about it, because i too had a college education that i am 'wasting' by doing the 'status quo' and staying home with my kids.
ugh. so many of those comments are so problematic on so many levels - in terms of feminism, certainly, but also in terms of feeling that there is one right way to raise kids.
and yes, i would love to read something about how moms who do not have an ivy league education struggle with some of these issues.
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