Oh Man, Britney

Britney, Britney, Britney.

I have been so trying to defend you (in my heart). I do believe that they are out to get you, and you are not fat, and your new album may very well be good, though it's not my thing, and that stripper video is just silly. My kids see me naked and I drink in their presence, and I'm a good mom, so maybe you can be too.

But come on, honey, if you want the kids, just do what the judge says. If you don't want the kids, just give them up. It wouldn't be the end of the world. Yes, K-Fed wants them in part so he can get as much of your money as he can, but he's also got the house, the nanny, your mom, seems like he's giving them an OK life, and the judge is watching him too, so he'd have to keep giving them an OK life, especially if he wanted to keep the money.

And if you're just continuing this custody charade to keep yourself in the public eye (as this video might suggest--I mean, just stay home already), well, honey, I'm just not sure I can be on your team.