Oh, I am very annoyed, and trying very hard not to get in a rage, and I think the suppressed rage is fueling the annoyance.
I should be thinking about soldiers in Iraq or children without healthcare, but instead I must figure out the date for M's bat mitzvah. Clearly we have been put at the end of the queue, as someone else has gotten the date and time we requested, and that is what I am not going to get in a rage about because, well, because there's just no point. If people request the same date, someone doesn't get it.
But now we have a choice of two dates. One is the original date, but a Havdalah service. And not only that, but M's closest religious school friend has her bat mitzvah that morning. The other is a month before M's birthday, a morning service, but a friend of hers, whose mom is a friend of mine, has the Havdalah service. I've called my friend and asked if she'll hate me if M has her bat mitzvah the same day as A. I suppose I should call the other mom too.
I could go on with my thoughts, but who cares. Oh, what the hell. I think my preference is for the morning service, because we can have the bat mitzvah, then have a lunch (I'm thinking--the one positive thought of this day's forced rumination--about the nice restaurant at the end of the street), and then that's it. No evening party, which I don't want anyway. When I had my bat mitzvah, we walked ten miles to synagogue barefoot in the snow, and then just had everyone back to our house for lunch. Obviously that's not going to happen, largely because we couldn't possibly fit everyone in our house, but I see no reason to go berserk, just because that's what happens these days (ha! tell me that in 18 months). But at any rate, I don't think there are that many families that would go to both A's bat mitzvah and M's, mainly the B-P's and perhaps the M-F's. And M could go to A's bat mitzvah if she wanted, though presumably we couldn't, given out-of-town guests, and their friends could easily go to both. I do think that's really my preference, so long as it won't permanently sever my friendship with R.
If we did the Havdalah service, I'm guessing we would conflict with H's party, because they seem the evening party types. People say Havdalah service bat mitzvahs are lovely, but I've never been to one, and I'm feeling a bit traditionalist about this.
The problem is, this is the kind of decision that you have to keep dealing with. Lots of decisions you make and then it's over, you're going with your choice and that's that. Which is what will happen here, too, but no matter what, M will be having her bat mitzvah on the same day as a good friend, not in our ideal circumstances (different time than we wanted or different day than we wanted), and we will have to work with that.
Oh, my god, I am just the most spoiled person in the world to have such things I need to worry about. But S is on an airplane all day, and hopefully will get my text on some layover and call me, and this decision needs to be made, like, today, because I guess there are people even lower on the queue than us who need to solve their bat mitzvah date problems, and may hone in on one of our dates if we don't nail it down quickly, and now I am just boring myself, as well as you, so that's enough of that.
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2 comments:
I don't know if this is an option at your synagogue, but what if you talked to the parents of the other girls about sharing the morning service? We've been to a couple of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs like that, and it's been nice -- it takes a little bit of the pressure to perform off. At the ones I've been to, the families have a shared kiddush lunch (at the synagogue) after services, and then have separate parties in the evening.
I too thought of sharing the morning service as a lovely alternative. Otherwise I would go with the morning service a month early, being liike you a bit traditonalist.
But my main reason for sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong is to say that you are NOT spoiled.
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