Monday, September 15, 2008

Celebrity Athletics

I tried to get Jenny to take this one on, as it's really more her bailiwick, but she declined, so I'm afraid the onus is on me.

And I'm afraid that means we must discuss J. Lo's triathlon, the one which rates its own blog, 196 Google news hits and about a gazillion other Google results, the one which she has trained for assiduously, with the honorable aspiration "to make my babies proud" (because, you know, a mom who has completed a triathlon is what every seven month old yearns for) (especially when it means that she spends hours every day training, instead of gazing and cooing), the triathlon that totalled a half-mile swim, 18-mile bike and four-mile run, in which she came in, uh, not so much the fastness?

OK, stop.  Stop.  STOP.

You are a not-so-fast athlete yourself (this is me who is the you here, not you--I'm chastising myself, you're just listening along).  You support everyone who attempts athletic challenges (really, you do: you deeply disapprove of those fast marathoners who disapprove of the slow marathoners, like the seven/eight/nine-hour ones, because, for god's sake, the fast marathoners are already drinking beer before the slow ones come along, and why should they care, and getting through 26 miles is impressive however you do it).  You are all about the personal best.  What's with the J. Lo hate?

Uh, it's not so much the J. Lo hate, it's more the J. Lo disdain.  I mean, come on, I could do that without training.  This is not so much the impressive athletic feat, people.  This is the media opportunity.  And a way to get paid for losing baby weight.  And, look, it works.

Now, the Katie Holmes marathon?  I was down with that.  So she was not so the fast, that's fine.  She didn't send out press releases, she just showed up, ran her marathon, and everyone was all, hey, there's Katie Holmes, running her marathon, without a bra, and then she went away.  Bully for her.  

But this J. Lo thing?  Bah...

(On the other hand, I'm all about Katie Price, who is famous for doing absolutely nothing except having big boobs and being famous, though at first when I started reading the article, I was all "who's this Katie Price, and how come I've never heard of her?" but then I realized that she is JORDAN, and of course I know Jordan, because when we lived in London, everything was all about Jordan, and, really, I like my media opportunism pure, not tainting us real not-so-fast athletes.) 

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