There are things that I would like--to be Julia Rogers (yes, still), to have our house renovations done (which would entail having them begun), to be successful at all that I attempt and make lots of money along the way--but there really isn't much I want. Oh, I want peace and quiet and time and for S to be a wildly successful chef who is home every night (yeah, right), but most of those things--Julia Roberts, peace, quiet--are in the realm of pie in the sky, and truly I do fine (mostly) without them.
But that still leaves the question of what I want, and lately I haven't wanted much. When I try to think about gifts and treats, I can't get much past new running shoes (which I need) and dinner at that new restaurant we forgot we even wanted to go to. I'll take books and jewelry and CDs and sweaters, and I do, but I could just as easily do without them.
Today, though, I thought of something that I really, truly want. This is something I could have, but it would be a challenge, financially and logistically (and, yes, many other people could have it without a second thought, and, yes, this makes me a bit...annoyed? frustrated? self-pitying?) (a long conversation last night with B and J about having and not having--B being someone who has, J and I being people who, in the larger context of things, have, but don't have quite enough, and both of us said that what we want, besides a certain dollar amount without sacrificing time with our kids, is to do what we want without having to think about it).
I want to go, by myself, to visit L in Tucson and J in Santa Fe and maybe even hang out for a while alone in some canyon somewhere. That's all I want.
Edited to add: The joke about S is not the successful part, for he is very successful, really, as successful as we can handle, but the idea of a successful chef being home every night.
2 comments:
Okay, now I really am curious about what you thought about that you really wanted. Because I'm nosy :).
There are so many projects I'd love to do in my house, but the money, the money, the money.
I feel like I'm spending too much time lately thinking about things I want but can't have, or things I want to do but can't.
we don't make the big bucks, however we have done the remodeling of our home. same as cash is great. you've got to budget yourselves. we are not big spenders. I never thought I would be able to say that I have every thing I want or need. ya... we still are remodeling and that will prob. always continue as long as we are home owners. Life is what you make it. we are making us a wonderful life. we are also garage sale, estate sale, moving sale shopers. People walk into our home and ....ahh, we're at home.
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