Yoga Update

After last summer's yoga apogee, things trailed off. No more yoga outside, I stopped doing yoga on my own for no reason I can think of, S started working Saturday brunch which meant no Saturday morning yoga class, and much work made it hard to justify weekday yoga. I've been working out almost every day--running, treadmill, elliptical, walking to work--which is pretty miraculous, but yoga hasn't been in the picture so much.

Finally, though, S has stopped working Saturday brunch. Don't get too excited--this is mainly because he's been working Sunday brunch instead of having Sundays off, so on Saturday he goes in around ten a.m. instead of six a.m., which means at least I can go to yoga.

So a few weeks ago, off I went to Saturday morning yoga. And it was awful. Actually, I don't remember much about the class, so presumably the class was OK, but afterward I not only ached for days, but I was totally, completely, and irremediably grumpy. Which is the antithesis of the ideal yoga outcome, and was very upsetting.

But I do not give up easily, so last week, off I went again to Saturday morning yoga. And it was awful again. I felt completely wrong. See, I am extremely flexible. I can stand on my hands. Lotus is easy. My knees go straight down to the ground in Bound Angle pose. My head touches the ground in Double Pigeon. You get the picture (my flexibility is countered by my complete inability to balance, even on two feet). Anyway, the teacher would say "this is really hard" and tell us to do something like stick the left leg out, bend the right knee so the right foot is on the outside of the right hip, bend sideways over the left leg, slide the left hand under the thigh to grasp the right calf, put the right arm over the head, and grasp the left foot with the right hand. And most people would struggle and stretch and barely do the half of it, and I would just do it. Except that I would feel totally ungainly and like I couldn't possibly be doing it right if it seemed so easy when it was supposed to be hard. I purposefully position myself away from the mirror, so I don't get all achievement-oriented about my poses, but unable to see myself, I am always convinced that I am all out of whack, and I don't think it's my imagination, because often when I look down at stray body parts, like my hips, or my legs, they seem to stick out in odd angles and lumps. Or maybe that's just me. Needless to say, none of this is conducive to a yoga state of mind.

Can you tell that I was in a bit of a state?

The next day, I took E to a family yoga class. The woman who ran it had quite a nice concept, actually, but terrible execution. She had made a CD with songs that related to yoga poses--we did Downward Facing Dog to "Atomic Dog," and I can't remember any others, but take my word for it, they were fun. Only she was this awful Dorothy Hamill-coiffed tiny white woman stuck in the 70s with wiry glasses and a pinched face who had neither charisma nor gentle peacefulness and seemed to think that we would just understand what she wanted us to do and embrace the freedom of our inner yoga spirit, only we didn't, really. We would start doing some Downward Facing Dogs to "Atomic Dog" and then she would start sort of free-dancing yoga-posing, and we would try to follow along, when I think she really wanted us to just let it all hang out and do our own thing. Awkwardness ensued. Nevertheless, it was actually kind of fun to just rock out and yoga, without worrying about the quality of my poses, and I got a glimpse of yoga pleasure again, only I feared that I would be reduced to finding pleasure in my yoga only in rooms full of small children and George Clinton (as I said, her concept was indeed good, but she was kind of a problem).

Yesterday, though, I got it back. I'm not quite sure why, but I have a few theories. One is that--duh--I was out of practice from not doing yoga, and now I've done a little yoga, and I'm back in practice, which lets me enjoy yoga again. The other is that I've finally weaned myself of my winter eating habits which mainly consist of spending an enormous amount of time eating an enormous amount of every kind of edible food I can find in the house, and even some food which probably shouldn't be considered edible, and then feeling pretty much disgusted and disgusting. Having weaned myself of those habits, I am feeling a little less disgusting, which probably helps with the yoga, both physically and psychologically. Or maybe it was was just a miraculous confluence of me and the biosphere in the zone. At any rate, this Saturday I just flowed through my poses, and felt strong and powerful and adept, and even got into the weird snorty breathing.

So for anyone who's still here (Jenny, you're here, aren't you?), that's the update. I'm back in the yoga saddle. Let's hope I can stay on the horse.