Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Bad Yoga Karma

Several months ago, E and I went to a family yoga class. You can read about it here, if you skim past my yoga whining.

Really, go read it, it's pretty funny.

OK, if you're not going to read it, I'll just tell you that the family yoga teacher pretty much sucked.

And now she's stalking me. Somehow I found myself signed up for her family yoga email list, which is fine, except that we all seem to be inadequate family yoga list members. She's trying to drum up business for a family yoga class this Sunday. I think I've gotten three emails from her, and I've thought about signing up, but after this email, I might have to pass (except E wants to go):

Greetings,

I hope you had a peaceful, joyous Thanksgiving Holiday.
[Start by stroking us and making us feel all yoga.]

This list was originally started because there were a few Moms attending yoga classes who expressed interest in Family yoga.
Based on their input we held our first event on Sunday March 4th 2007 and the event was extremely well received. Many of you have expressed interest in having Family Yoga events on a regular basis. But unfortunately due to various factors, the last 2 events that I produced at the studio were very poorly attended. [Perhaps because the first one was so bad?]

For this reason I decided to bring in an outside teacher who has a fabulous reputation teaching kids and adults. [Yoga Mom], working mother of 3 and a yoga teacher has committed her time to come into [City] (she lives in the suburbs) this Sunday to bring you a Family Yoga event second to none! I am very excited to have [Yoga Mom] possibly as a regular instructor for Family Yoga at [Yoga Studio].
[OK, fine, very nice.]

This event can only happen with your continued support. We need 10 more people to register in order to hold the event this Sunday. It would be a real shame to have to cancel this event after [Yoga Mom] already committed her time on a Sunday to be with us.
[Guilt building: YOU are ruining Yoga Mom's life and livelihood. SHAME on you.]

If you are planning to attend the event - please register ASAP.
If we do not get 10 more people pre-registered by this Friday November 30, unfortunately the event will be cancelled. [And it will all be YOUR fault.]

Without your support I will not be able to continue holding Family Yoga Events at [Yoga Studio]. [YOU! You are ruining my business! You ungrateful yoga faker!]

Pre-registration is simple and easy. We are accepting Visa & Mastercard online. It takes no more than 5 minutes to pre-register and with your support we may be able to build Family Yoga into a strongly attended monthly event at Om City Yoga. [But without your support, everything goes to hell in a handbasket, and it will all be YOUR FAULT.]

Thank you. Namaste.
[I'm calm. Really, I am. I am not going to hurt you, YOU YOGA INGRATE YOU!]

Damn yoga hippies.

4 comments:

Libby said...

Ha! This would so make me want to not go, even if Yoga Mom is actually a fabulous teacher...

Genevieve said...

Guilt and yoga should not co-exist. Yeesh!

Kelly said...

I've found that most people who run centers are less than centered and are often very passive aggressive. I think it's in the genes.

Kathy said...

really you could write a great parody off of this letter!! Unbelievable!